i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my shit smells like andre
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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