You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
