I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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