the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
