I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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