I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
