wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
