Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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