i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
