As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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