sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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