i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
