i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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