Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
