I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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