Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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