I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
