Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
