Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
