everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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