He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
