she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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