Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
