im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I will pee on everything he values.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
