I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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