who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
