Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
