She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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