My nipple is on Facebook.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
