Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
