He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm too high and old for this...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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