i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
