Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
