My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
