My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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