Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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