what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
