i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize
