I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
