Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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