over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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