Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
