Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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