I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
