My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
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apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
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Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.