drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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