Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
how drunk are you?
Several
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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