P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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