WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
