I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
