I didn't shave. On purpose
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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