did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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