the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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