i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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