I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
