roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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