Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
