I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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