Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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