the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
