you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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