Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
