I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
