walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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