remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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