Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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