he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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