I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
